try defragging your weblog
You know what I don’t miss? Being the guy who keeps your computer working. 
Not that I didn’t enjoy that when it was my profession – I’m sure you’ll agree that one should take a certain pride in fixing things, and lord knows I would typically run shrieking away from the more traditional repairs that involve plumbing or tools or protective eyewear, so being good at an act that transforms something useless to something functional is nice, for me. Getting paid for making sure people could print or whatever was a hilarious and satisfying twist in my career path, if not exactly one I would have foreseen.
Did you know that I won the math award in grade six? Once upon a time, I was supposed to work in numbers. And did you know that I was accepted into a journalism program at that college in Oakville whose name I forget, when I outlasted high school? Once upon a time, I was supposed to work in sentences. Both LOL-worthy facts from the past, when I look at them now.
Today I work in keywords, and pointy brackets, and timing. The business of ‘online marketing’ (picture the author gesturing at nothing in particular for emphasis) is the most fun sort of job to have, I think. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t still take an interest in making computers work – kind of need them to, both on my end and yours, in order for my cheques to clear.
Here’s a few things I’ve spotted on the subject of making computers work that are worthy of your attention:
- Windows maintenance tips: the good, bad, and useless deconstructs a bunch of the old myths and legends of computer upkeep. Defragging your hard drive seemed like a savvy icon to click in Windows 95, but that was fifteen years ago, people. If you want your computer to be faster, buy and install more RAM (cheap and easy to do, by the way), then uninstall the programs you don’t use.
- Lifehacker also offers up the five best offline backup tools. If you use your computer for anything you want to keep – be it work, digital photos, your MP3s, anything important at all – you have to own an external hard drive. You can pick up something useful for less than a hundred bucks, you don’t have to install any software or open up your computer to use it, and you can set up one of the programs suggested above to automatically take care of saving the files you’re forgetting to back up. (I’m going to try Syncback this weekend.)
- Seven things Geek Squad employees wish every computer moron knew. #1 is a rehash of my last point, and the others are pretty good, too – lose that toolbar! You have how many antivirus programs? Jesus h. (Though I would say that point #8 here needs to be ‘if your computer is broken, Geek Squad is not your best choice for repairing it’.)
There. Keep all of the above in mind and you should be fine. If not, expect me to refer to the periodic table of swearing while I deal with you, Ysfs.
very brantford
Is Lloyd Banks even a draw at this point? From exclaim.ca:
“On Friday (January 8), G-Unit tough guy Lloyd Banks was scheduled to perform at Brantford, ON’s Club N.V. However, like so many of these dubious celebrity club appearances, things got ugly when the New York rapper showed up hours late, performed one song and left.”
I lol’d. Very Brantford.
leafs suck
A forward from my mother-in-law, of all people: 
“TORONTO, ONTARIO (CP) – A seven-year-old Toronto, Ontario boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy alleged they had also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.”
Related: Breaking out of Loserville. Thanks for facilitating this post, Globe and Mail!
sunshine, lollipops, snowbanks, puddles
I’ve been meaning to sit down and post several items over the last week or so, including the following nonsense on a few topics:
- Had a weird dream the other day that included hanging around with Heather. You know, just sitting around, taking pictures, real Dooce-type stuff, I guess. Unlike, say, Claire, or even Elisa, both of whom I have actually communicated with in the past, I’ve never talked to Heather or e-mailed or anything, so this was all a bit strange, really.
- The wife and I attended the Porchlight volunteer thank-you party on the weekend, which was fine. I kind of felt like I wasn’t doing enough meet-and-greet, being an Official Wearer Of The Green Jacket and all, but it was kind of fun to hand out CF lightbulbs to the many people hanging around who weren’t part of our little get-together. Nothing like a sports bar overlooking a hockey rink to find unenlightened souls.
- And the debate. I tried my best to stick with it, but man. Two hours of talk from any of those guys is a tough thing to endure.
But none of those became fully-fledged talking points, so we’re just going to go out and enjoy the relatively balmy weather today instead.
mortal kombat is mentioned, so
Test your knowledge of videogaming, courtesy the CBC, of all people. As the chief video game nerd in the family (and therefore head buyer of such gifts for Christmas, yes – an expensive position), I was surprised to be challenged by this one… I only scored six out of ten. Pretty tough.
Found via the CBC Arts ‘weblog’, which I would normally ignore completely. I’m not much for these attempts by companies to co-opt the format, but I may be spending some time in the near future studying such things, so I figured the clickthough on an Adsense ad somewhere (I clicked a PAID AD for a CORPORATE WEBLOG, wtf) would be OK this one time.
And you know, it was! I even found another interesting thing: Our Home and Native Band, a piece on the Hip, of course. Not bad.
Still bad: any and all MSN Spaces. Many of the noobs that are doing their thing on Spaces refer to Bored, and I love them for it, but by and large, the writing and design from these first-time publishers is brutal.
Take a look if you ever need insight into the latest Simple Plan lyrics or what it’s like to get your braces off on the day you get to see Harry Potter too lol omg.